I have recently been remarking on the fact that many of the women I talk with in the Runaway Husbands community have made the sacrifice of relocating to different cities or countries for the sake of their husbands. I wondered if it was a trend and queried it in one of my newsletters and have been hearing from many women who raised their hands and said, me too.
I myself moved with my kids for my runaway husband. I met him in December, we had our first date in January, we were married in April and I moved from New York City to Montreal in December. I gave up my beautiful rent-controlled apartment, left all my friends and family, never having given the slightest thought about moving before I met him. But he wanted to so I didn’t question it - I was so in love. (I’ve been working on that impulsive streak since then!)
As a result of my recent shout-out in the newsletter, Eve sent me this email:
I moved twice for my husband. Each time made the eventual abandonment feel even more painful. Unlike friends who divorced after building a life alongside family and friends, relocating means sacrificing stable jobs, being far from loved ones, and leaving behind best friends and support systems. When the husband walks away, it feels utterly unacceptable — years of sacrifice met with no gratitude.
It highlights a sense of entitlement. People often say I was "happy to move," but in truth, I felt I had no choice. I followed to be supportive, always prioritizing his needs over my own.
Eve then went on to do an analysis (with the lovely help of Chat GPT) of the difference between being left when you have relocated for your husband and being left when you have stayed put:
The experiences of a typical divorcee and someone who moved multiple times for their husband before divorce reveal significant differences in emotional, financial, and social consequences as follows:
1. Emotional Impact:
A person who relocates frequently for their spouse may experience a deeper sense of betrayal and abandonment. The sacrifice of personal goals and social networks can intensify feelings of resentment and isolation.
In contrast, a more traditional divorcee may have stronger ties to family, friends, and familiar surroundings, offering better emotional support during the separation.
2. Financial Consequences:
Frequent relocations often disrupt stable employment and retirement savings, potentially leaving the individual financially disadvantaged after divorce.
A divorcee who maintained long-term employment and stability may be in a better financial position, with greater retirement savings and property investments.
3. Loss of Community and Support:
The moving spouse likely faces the challenge of rebuilding support systems and friendships from scratch after each relocation.
Those who stayed rooted often have a stronger, more established network to lean on during the divorce.
4. Sense of Identity:
The relocating spouse may struggle with a loss of identity, having spent years adapting to new environments and prioritizing their partner's career.
A stationary divorcee may retain a clearer sense of self, anchored by longstanding social roles and routines.
Conclusion:
While divorce is challenging for everyone, those who have made repeated sacrifices for their partner's career or well-being often endure compounded emotional, financial, and social struggles that make the healing process significantly more complex.
Do you have thoughts about this? Please weigh in in the comments below.
